Thursday, April 20, 2006

Another pic from the Lone Cowboy March

Another picture from the protest, taken by a kindly stranger who said, "I don't know what you're protesting, but stand up for yourself!"

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You can't actually read the sign, but if you can read the steely glint in my eye, whatever the sign says would be redundant. Between this photo and the last one, I think you can see that I weathered both conditions of extreme shade AND extreme sunlight to get the word out about Stephen Colbert's nascent anti-cowboy liberalization. And by the way, I said as much to the guy you see behind me, and he nodded thoughtfully. You hear that, Stephen? My meme is growing! For both our sakes, please apologize before the weather gets much worse.

Organizational Meeting Follow-Up

We just had our first organizational meeting at Hank's Hacienda on 54th Street. I figured we could swing by The Colbert Report afterward and continue our protests, but I was the only person who showed. (Blaine? Where were you? I was in the back next to the potted ocotillo. I can only assume you came in while I was in the bathroom, didn't see me, and left. I was in the bathroom a long time. Don't order the fish tacos!) The meeting proceeded anyway, and the current organization looks like this:

S.C.U.C. Officers

Publicity officer---Blaine

Blaine, this means you're in charge of putting together posters next time we have a protest, and for bringing snacks so we don't pass out. (I like carrot sticks.) If you're reading this, just give me a call, or if you've forgotten my number, just swing by work---they're moving me to the front counter! I bought a notebook we can keep minutes in. You should really have it.

Next up: more pictures from the rally!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Today's Protest a Resounding Success!!!

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Admittedly we had what you might call a light turnout, but we were undeterred! From 10 am to 1 pm we marched in front of the Colbert Report Building (54th Street between 10th and 11th Avenue, in what is appropriately called Hell's Kitchen!). I would have gone longer, but I didn't wear my walking boots, and it turns out that holding a sign in windy weather eventually makes your back hurt. But many people honked, several gave me thumbs up, and a few people said they would probably have helped only they have jobs.

Stephen Colbert himself entered the building at 11, and I'm not tooting my own horn when I say that, when we exchanged glances, he looked a little scared. He probably saw the tireless determination in my eye and the flame in my heart. Repent, Stephen! Repent!

Today I'm just a majority of one. But I think I planted some seeds.

A Blog Is Born! A Cause is Blogged!

Hello! This is the official site of Stephen Colbert Unfair to Cowboys (SCUC), a grassroots organization that is attempting to obtain an apology from Stephen Colbert for misleading the cowboys of America.

Several months ago, Our Conservative Leader gave a vote of "thumbs up," or "Not Destroying America," to the movie Brokeback Mountain, which he claimed was going to be a "fine old-fashioned family-friendly movie about two cowboys and their solid red-state values." (I'm paraphrasing because I don't actually have a copy of the show. Like any good cowboy, I consider TiVo hi-falutin'.) When it reached my local theater*, like any obedient Colbertian, I bought my ticket early and was first in line for the show, thrilled at the prospect of finally seeing a Hollywood movie that would appeal to me and other cowboys in good standing.

So imagine my shock when I discovered, barely ten minutes into the film, that this movie was actually about shepherds! I waited for another twenty minutes for some redeeming feature---a walk-on cow, a bar brawl, an imperiled schoolmarm. . . hell, even a vaquero would have been something. But when no such redemption came, and I was subjected to scene after scene of perfectly gratuitous shepherding, I reached the only possible conclusion:

Stephen Colbert was wrong!

To call this traumatic is an understatement. I've lost sleep. I've lost weight. Even the tender ministrations of Miss Heatherbottom, our local badwyhouse doxy, have lost their sweet savor. For if he's wrong about this, what else might he be wrong about? How can I, and others who depend on Colbert's rigid, unreflective assurances of Truth, continue to believe him when he has this blot on his escutcheon? Has he lost his way? Has success made him careless about his gut feelings? Or worse, has he been sent to tempt us to disbelieve, the way Satan did when he put fossils in the earth? With his sharply-cut suits and suspiciously intellectual glasses, could Colbert be . . . it pains me to even suggest this . . . a crypto-Canadian?

The answer must be a loud and thunderous NO!

So this blog calls on Stephen Colbert to rectract, or at least clarify, his earlier statement about Brokeback Mountain, and to withdraw his support from the DVD release of the film, which is in Wal-Marts everywhere threatening to cause even greater shock and disappointment to the real America he claims to have on speed-dial.

And until this happens, I hope this blog will also serve as a meeting-place for other people who feel similarly betrayed and are waiting for His Truthiness to return to the ranch. Membership is open to all kindred souls, with the exception of people who have actually seen the entire movie. After all---if you weren't offended in the first twenty minutes, you're too goddamn tolerant of shepherds, and I don't know what else to say to you.

Protests will be announced soon, along with an organizational meeting once I figure out where everyone lives. Until then. . . . We're waiting, Stephen. You're making cowboys cry.

---Bourbon Cowboy

* It actually didn't come to my local theater, so I had to drive an extra ten miles and see it on Imax (NOT recommended for the sheep-phobic!). Apparently my neighborhood theater had refused to even screen it based on the poster, which just goes to show the kind of anti-cowboy bigotry we're up against in this country. And yet where's OUR rights organization?

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